In the not too distant future...

I was up late last night watching fireworks. In the office early with the entire building's network being hosed. I need a distraction. How about a joke from every episode of MST3K? Don't mind if I do!



Ah! That is better.

(Hat Tip to Gizmodo)

Gamera vs. Zigra!

As I stated in a previous blog post (this is the fifth installment, so you should know by now...) I purchased the MST3K Gamera pack. Since I have received it; naturally, I am going to live blog the watching of it. So, put in your copy of Gamera vs Zigra and follow along!

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Theme song - la la la

Rootbeer kegger. Super party! Mystery voice is drunk on rootbeer!

Set wayback machine to Nia Peebles joke!

TV's Frank is a Stooge-a-holic! Thus, the Mads invent the Stooges gun with the appropriate Stooge gun defense.

Joel turns TV's Crow into a delicious shish-kabob.

Last Gamera movie...

Movie sign!

Back to the ocean credits -- with funky 70's theme.

Zoellner sisters!

The moon is a sandbox! (At least its model looks like it.)

Naration -- boring!

Horribly cheep space models. Where is the love Gamera movie makers?

Perky voice actors. I hope they're not on long. That would get old fast.

Kenny! (and Helen)

SeaWorld™ tie in. Get with it Kenny.

Kiss the picture? Then kiss the whale.

Kenny wants adventure. That will end well.

More SeaWorld&trade footage -- talk about product placement.

Cut up the dolphin.

Kenny (and Helen) are missing - big laugh.

Science destroys everything.

This is a movie and we watch them. So, why are they showing us people listening to the radio.

Magnitude 16 Earthquake? Let me see that would be 887,503,681 times more powerful than the biggest quake ever to strike the earth. I can't see it doing much damage.

Peanut butter sandwiches and lemonade -- these guys know how to live.

Kenny and Helen ate their lunch. They should be severely punished.

The flying saucer is seen on radar, so it wasn't Kenny's imagination. Glad to see the scientists aren't asleep at the wheel.

Gamera shows up. Helen does like Gamera. Hey a smart kid!

Attractive space alien. So, typical Gamera film.

Zigra star space ship? Never heard of it. Is it local? I wonder why the guy has never heard of it. It is quite a mystery.

Hey, Zigra is a Romulan.

400 light years means it would take 400 years to get here at what speed. Thanks for the science lesson.

Space is curved? So, you can ignore all of that Relativity crap!

If we learn anything from Gamera it is listen to the kids. They're smart...

Tell the earth about the alien magic tricks.

Wait, they can broadcast to everyone. Why do they need these people? If the aliens know whats best for them, they'd kill the humans now.

Magnitude 18? Dad is BSing the kids...

We see a model of Gamera made by the bots. Gamera has lots of room inside. He even has an interior pinball machine.

Tokyo was only a model.

Wait the humans polluted the seas on Zigra - the planet. We did this from earth? Very confusing.

Heavy anti-pollution message here. Must have seen Godzilla vs Hedorah. (AKA Godzilla vs The Smog Monster.)

Kids run wild. Kenny knows how the ship works. He is smart. He can make it take him home.

On the other hand, Kenny can't start a boat.

Kenny and Helen know too much... I told them they would rue the day they didn't kill Kenny on sight.

Zigra wants to eat the Earth's land animals. He must know about bacon.

Shark poorly greenscreened. Is that a shark? What is this all about?

Those kids would be toast without Gamera.

Gamera theme! They're saved. Drat!

If the kids could start the bost motor, Gamera would be unneeded.

Where are their parents. They were on the boat at one point.

Kenny knows all about time travel. He should teach astro-physics at a university somewhere.

Hey its 1985!

Kenny and Helen are only a little pretensious.

Interview the kids. They know everything.

Who is the third kid? Why is she horning in on Kenny and Helen's moment in the spotlight?

Get the best military doctors - listen to the kids. They'll know how to wake the dads.

They're going to attack Zigra. We know how well that will work.

Gamera Diaramas!

No Military fight scene? This movie has no budget.

Evacuate!

Alien in a bikini. Hey Japan does exploitation!

Who are these people? And why are they in this movie? Is there a point to the fish argument?

Did SeaWorld™ pay for this movie. If so, they should have ponied up more money. No military fight scene? Cheap bastards.

Goodbye bikini hello short skirt.

Use the H-bomb! But there is no budget to show it.

Kenny and Helen escape. I would have never guessed.

Sure alien lady you won't hurt them. I want to hurt them...

She hypnotizing the entire planet.

Calling Gamera - where is he?

Gamera fighting the space ship of gumballs. Uneventful fight, but it was underwater?

Gamera's flame works underwater.

Zigra programs himself to be bigger.

Crow tells old fishy jokes.

Gamera vs Zigra was anticlimatic.

No cure for the Zigran hypnosis. I feel like I'm losing consciousness. Coincidence?

This movie is full of silly science. Nearly enough, but it worked.

She finally caught the kids. Go away or the kids get fed to the dolphins.

Recap on why the hot girl was a Zigran.

Good thing the kids were a part of the military meeting.

Toy helicopters - they are going down.

Gamera is dead on the sea floor. We can dream...

The plot is off the rails.

Doesn't anyone watch these kids.

Cheep toy effects. Come on SeaWorld™, fork over more dough!

Back to the party on the SOL. Sports talk.

Mike Nelson is Kenny.

Now the kids are in trouble. Where is Gamers?

Let them all die.

Only an hour. It'll be forever until they are dead

Zigra can talk without moving his mouth. Ventriloquist monster.

That was a slow 10 mintes.

I think there needs to be a few more experts in this movie. Someone get Stephen Hawking on the phone. Maybe he can figure out this movie.

And Kenny is dead...

Melodrama

Gamera is sleeping through this in the ocean

The Zigran hypnosis is getting to me. I am having trouble staying awake.

Back to the dead children.

Another underwater fight. We need buildings being smashed, but that won't happen underwater.

Gamera has sea-island green blood

Drat. The kids are fine. I had big hopea...

Now out of the water. Not much better

Zigra is musical -- when being played like a marimba.
With the music, we get a little Gamera dance.

Kenny has to remind Gamera about the flames.

Long fire.

More fire.

How long does Zigra burn?

Litter message.

Gamera splits.

Gamera song again.

Did anything happen in this movie?

Styles of Gamera song.

Gypsy as Viking version. Excellent!

The Mads with the punk version.

Press the button Frank.

Live Blogging Gamera vs. Guiron

As I stated in a previous blog post, I purchased the MST3K Gamera pack. Since I have received it; naturally, I am going to live blog the watching of it. So, put in your copy of Gamera vs Guiron and follow along!

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Gamera vs Guiron

Theme song -- la la la.

The bots are eating lunch from MST3K lunch boxes!

Tom Servo has a note from his mom in his lunchbox. Tom Servo has a mom? Nope.

Cheese blockage joke doing double duty tonight.

The Mads invent a new centerfold - the Rorschach version. Only the crazy get turned on by them, so Frank sees an attractive woman and his mother.

Joel has collapsible trash can -- you know -- for camping.

We've got movie sign!

No ocean for these credits and the theme is lame.

A series of stills with voiceover. I was hoping they would describe the plot...

It starts off with scientists that could bode well.

Very poor dubbing. They should have hired actors to dub this.

I hope this guy is not a main character -- his dubber is the worst.

Kids discover the space ship. Scientist asleep at the wheel.

Mom doesn't notice the kid wearing a coat. He is definitely ready for bed.

Jump to morning with a song from TMBG -- maybe not.

Snuck past officer Kon-chan who was practicing kendo. He is clearly the comic relief.

Joel and the bots call him Officer Cornjob! So, Cornjob threatens to shave the kids' heads -- foreshadowing...

Kids are not afraid of bush shaking.

The space aliens are good at painting.

The aliens should have locked their spaceship before exiting - darn hooligans.

Stealing a spacecraft is -- being naughty. I am sure Mom will believe that story!

Kids are in trouble -- cue Gamera.

In space, Gamera can scream. Is there nothing he can't do?

Gamera song - in movie. I think they're going to get lots of mileage out of it.

Gamera loves juvenile delinquents. Honestly Officer Cornjob -- they were just joyriding that spaceship.

Gamera! Gamera! Gamera is really neat... everyone sing!

Gamera is really smoking

These kids can really fly that stolen ship.

Kids speeding away from Gamera. Rub in the whole turtle thing.

Mom doesn't believe in anything. I would have never suspected that.

Hey no adults listen to kids... Are you sure this is a Gamera film?

Model planet ... destruction cannot be far behind.

They call that acting...

Vampire Gaos makes a showing.

Razorface? Knifeface? Guiron vs Gaos.

Razorface reflects laser -- off goes the leg. Gaos is still lame -- get it? Lost a leg...

Gaos isn't long for this movie.

But a scratch! His arm's off? He is nothing be a head...

Aliens have transporter pyramids. They are so easy a child can use them.

Lots of cutting humor from the crowd.

They still think they are on a star. Don't they know the difference?

Servo makes light of the poor dialogue dubbed from the young characters. He is right.

How do you get off a moving walkway -- oh jump off.

Meet the aliens -- Gedney and Cloy.

No wait -- that was a disguise. These aliens sure are attractive.

Universal translator -- how convenient.

Still mixing up star and planet.

These kids are getting ready for their PhD theses.

Pluto is a planet. These kids know everything. Silly astronomy!

Computers made monsters. Those lucky Terrans.

Magician Joel uses Guiron Servo to cut Crow in half -- reveal is ruined.

Only two aliens left -- need to repopulate... I'm just sayin'.

These kids think they are really lucky -- it must mean trouble.

Crow is still wearing a shower cap (from the ruined reveal). Looks weird without the net.

They are going to eat the kids' brains -- they're not going to get much.

Hypnotized -- to get donuts.

What else do they learn? Gamera is the freind of kids. Yep, they're not going to get full on these kids brains.

Clip show! When Gamera destroyed that dam -- they somehow skipped that. They also don't show him killing all those people. He just saves kids.

Kenny! And Itchy.

Gamera footage from some other Gamera movies.

Mmmmmmmm donuts.

Mmmmmmmmm raw brains.

They are going to eat their brains and take their knowledge!

Mom is not worried about her kids running away. They'll be fine. It is not as if their any brain eating aliens around anywhere.

Officer Cornjob is on the job!

Those stone stairs down are very convenient.

Doesn't mom know that kids know everything?

Lunch time!

Here comes Gamera to keep the kids safe. He will try to prevent them from... They ate the donuts.

Out they go...

Hair cutting time -- officer Cornjob misses his chance.

Gamera vs missiles -- standard result.

Release the steaknife!

Monster fight -- Gamera takes the early lead.

Ninja stars -- that was unexpected.

Guiron's advantage continues as Gamera bleeds profusely. Spock blood!

Plot is revealed to Kids! These two will foil everything!

Kids escape because the aliens ignored them. Clearly, these two aliens do not believe in security.

Bad boys bad boys what you going to do?

Locked up at last in a shake machine.

Back on Earth, the reporters want to interview the girl because kids know everything. Why don't the parents think so?

No one cares about the moms whose sons have been kidnapped by brain eating aliens. Let's hear from the little girl.

Crow T Robot does a good Richard Burton. (One of the kids has a vague similarity to Richard Burton.)

Who is Afraid of Gamera Turtle and King Arthur in musical Gamera are two Richard Burton films I've missed.

Back in the movie, Gamera will save the kids because they are trapped in a megaphone. He can hear whatever they say.

Rex Dart (gun) -- Eskimo Spy. Getting plenty of mileage out of that.

Release the Guiron!

Alien ship cut in half. Everyone is stuck on the planet now.

Alien treatchery. Now only one alien left. That was smart.

The Tom character in the movie takes a styrophoam rock to the noggin.

In the water, Gamera is healed.

Monster fight is back on.

Tempering the monster blade with a little Gamera fire.

Gamera even jumps up and down slowly.

Gamera nails the landing.

Guiron is back in his coffin.

Gamera goes underwater to regenerate again. His opponent is a knife faced creature, but the ninja stars get him every time.

Wait how did Guiron get out?

Underwater fight without the water.

Guiron in space!

Guiron's blade stuck in the ground -- how embarrassing.

Last alien is dead.

Guiron is cooked.

Hey! Gamera can weld. He welds the spaceship back together.

Kids get jammed into jury rigged spaceship.

Return of Gamera song. We believe in Gamera.

Once again kids observe objects before scientist.

Listen to the kid! Tell them Cornjob.

In his mouth?

Maybe if you watched your kids more closely...

Hey they got the planet thing right.

We are anxious for the dissertation.

Festive Gamera song in mock Japanese. Hirohito Gamera

Black haired Mike Nelson telling celebrity gossip on the piano.

Plays Gamera theme in a Roger and Hart way then Gershwin. Kill him!

Press the button...

Live Blogging Gamera vs Gaos

As I stated a few weeks ago, I got the MST3K Gamera pack in the mail. So, naturally, I am going to live blog the watching of it! We have reached the third movie of the five. It is Gamera vs Gaos! Grab your copy and follow along!

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Gamera vs Gaos

Theme song - la la la.

Lucile Ball and Harvey Fierstein and the raspies.

Gypsy's impression.

The Mad's invention is printing your inner-self . Hey! Dr. Forrester's inner-self is hot.

Joel's fax machine kleenex dispenser. What's a fax machine?

Frank's inner-self is now Gamera!

Apparently they only could afford ocean shots for the opening credit. Thanks Sandy!

Another lousy theme song.

Pretty good helicopter effect. For shorting, green screen. Good stuff -- until it takes off.

Roadwork company is pushing around the locals. Evil roadwork company!

They're putting the road right through Gamera's house. That sounds like a good idea.

Volcano firing on helicopter. It cut it in half! (Poor effect)

Get Kenny on the Gamera story.

Farmers mean business. Could I get a harumph?

Head man of a mob of farmers? What are you thinking?

Rex Dart reference! I don't think it's the same guy.

Itchy? Must mean Kenny. What kind of name is Itchy anyway?

Bad voice actor...

Farmers and their diabolical sabotage.

When something is glowing green it means there is gold there. Yeah that's it.

Kenny knows newspaper reporters on sight. He must recognize them from their bi-lines.

Kenny will fall for any old story.

That's right Mr. Adult Newspaper Man, ask the boy what something is.

Kenny -- being called boy by newspaper man -- has slingshot. Kenny is Dennis the Menace!

Here is a good idea. Let's go into the mysterious glowing cave.

Why isn't reporter guy taking pictures? He has a camera!

And he's dead.

Watch out for falling Styrofoam!

Gaos has the best roar of the Gamera world so far.

Who will save Kenny? Gamera that is your cue.

The monsters fight over Kenny. Isn't that sweet?

Paper craft with Joel. Don't drink the mucilage. The bots are being precocious.

The bots don't offer good advice -- but the word of the day is booger. So, I'll listen to them.

Gaos is suddenly better shot now. It took several tries to get that slow moving helicopter, but fast moving jets? Only needs one shot.

It's the old rolling Gamera trick.

Kenny falls 200 feet to the safety of Gamera.

With Kenny on the back Gamera takes off. Wouldn't the Gamera flying spin throw him off? Wait he doesn't have to spin to fly?

Oh his name is Eiichi.

Gamera knows where Eiichi lives? Gamera knows everything. Why is Gamera stalking Eiichi?

How is Eiichi going to get off Gamera's back?

Gamera should have thought about that before he put Eiichi on his back.

Is he going to mention the dead reporter?

Here is an idea, let the kid name the monster. Kids know everything. What could go wrong? Gaos? I thought Itchy would name him Scratchy...

Silly scince! He is describing a laser, and not very well.

Monster skeleton!

Two throats? So crazy it might work. (Do they know for sure Gaos has two throats or are they just guessing?)

But what does Eiichi think?

Ineffective army away! Oh wait, airforce first.

Gamera has excellent hearing.

Old TV -- picking up cable.

Gaos roar and cut.

Are the comic relief guys going to survive the movie? Let's watch.

We have found the cows!

Eiichi needs some Ritalin.

Is the construction crew to blame for Gaos?

Greedy farmers won't sell! So, who is the bad guys in this sub-plot? I thought it was the road construction people.

Construction crew mutinies.

Eiichi! He knows everything about Gaos. Everyone should listen to him.

Agil flair system! I didn't see that coming!

Gameron dammeron... a lot for a little.

Gaos is affraid of the light? So, is Gaos a giant vampire or something?

Who would have thought he would fall asleep? I for one am shocked.

Cue tanks. I'm sure it'll work.

Gaos is nothing like Rodan with that wind power thing.

Hey a real train. They are pulling out all the stops!

Rampage. It is only a model.

Everyone turn on your lights. It must be a plot by Montgomery Burns.

Fakey car driving footage -- for that?

Gaos's flapping can stave off Gamera. If we had only known.

Mid-air collision.

Laser vs Gamera shell? Shell wins!

They were very high up or they fall really slow.

The sun rises fast in Japan!

Did Gaos lose a foot? Yep. How will he cope with that?

Gaos is shrinking? Perhaps a useless plot point.

More silly science! Love the silliness of it!

So, Gaos shrinks when exposed to UV. Gaos is a shrinky-dink. He's not a vampire after all.

The green glow (which we know is because of gold) is regenerative. Hello foot!

A UV laser would never work.

Eiichi tell us what to do.

Silly spinning science, but that part of the plan was not thought up by Eiichi.

Is there anything Eiichi doesn't know?

Why is construction guy in charge of the spinning hotel? Isn't he in charge of the highway? Couldn't they get anyone else?

A blood lure -- of course! Why didn't Eiichi think of that?

Farmers want to deal now? Their timing is great. You tell them old man!

Fake blood is the mans greatest achievement!

Tom Servo and Grommit...it must be the Crow Show. Gaos "The Great" spinning the Gameras.

Gaos is on the loose deploy the blood. Are we sure he isn't a vampire?

Operation blood spray is in full effect start the top.

Why doesn't Gaos fall off because of inertia? Please Eiichi, explain that to me.

One minute to sunrise. What five minutes now? Can't anyone tell time?

Dizzy Gaos plan didn't work. But, it was so well thought out.

Hey Eiichi call Gamera again!

Farmer subplot is getting tired. Not sure who to root for. Can't Gaos kill them all?

Eiichi's sister in a heartfelt plea. Drama!

Eiichi is hatching a plan. I'm sure it'll work.

It starts with a fire. Fire! Fire! Ritalin would sure help Eiichi.

How could Eiichi's plan fail? There is no possible way!

Drop more napalm!

And here comes Gamera.

Fight fight fight.

Gamera 2 minutes for boarding.

Gamera got a good hunk of something.

Gamera is floating like a butterfly.

Dropped from the top rope.

Suddenly Gamera is getting beat up. Try plugging Gaos's mouth with a rock.

Brutal. Gaos has pink blood.

Japanese nights are really short. It's dawn already. I guess time flies when the monster's fight.

Gamera drags Gaos into the volcano.

Farmers decide to accept the evil road crew's offer even after they released the vampire Gaos and caused all that destruction. Road crew wins!

Eiichi waves goodbye.

Hey a highlight real. We could have saved a bunch of time by showing this. Very little Road crew/Farmer subplot. It was like it was completely unnecessary...

The End.

How to off Gaos. All those suggestions would be better than the movie.

Push the button Frank.

Live Blogging Gamera vs Baragon

As I stated in a previous blog post last week, I got the MST3K Gamera pack in the mail.  So, naturally, I am going to live blog the watching of it.  So, put in your copy of Gamera vs Baragon and follow along!

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Title song - la la la

DOS vs Mac interfaith war -- System 7? This was a LONG time ago (in computer terms.)

Joel’s invention exchange expands conscience about recycling with animatronic Orange Crush can

Tom Servo’s head pops up! Perhaps the only time that happens.

Disco cumber-bubble-bun - is a thighmaster bubble machine...

Sandy Frank joke!

Another ocean opening sequence -- snoozeville, but the theme music is better.

Clip show... ends with different result. Gamera doesn’t make it to Mars after all. A ‘meteor’ prevents Gamera from reaching Mars.

Gamera gets colorized and destroys dam for no reason. So is Gamera bad again?

Gamera rampage right off the bat then he flies away. Where is Kenny?

Gamera moves into a volcano. Evicts mad scientist one would assume. Is this the last we’ll see of Gamera?

Japanese geisha music -- not rock and roll.

This is the Pilot's last day. This could be bad...

Smoking and gun powder what could go wrong?

Pilot wants to own flight company, so he doesn’t die in a plane accident on his last day. Darn the luck!

Huge opal in the jungle. Could this be a plot point?

Why the secrecy? Are they doing something illegal?

Fake ids for everyone!

Maru must mean boat. Lots of Japanese boats are named something Maru. See Kobiyashi Maru.

New Guinea is nice this time of year.

This plan makes no sense.

Working on a boat is hard. The maker of the fake ID’s has cush job. Huh...

Native dancers!

Incoming chopper!

GPS would be so helpful now.

Natives speak Japanese (er dubbed English) well one does. Very convenient to have such a pretty translator.

It's the doctor!

Will pretty lady lead us to our cave.

Apparently there is only one cave in all of New Guinea.

This expedition is legit, so no need for help. That is why all of the fake ID stuff right?

Lets piss off the locals!

I want this MST3K advertised “5000-piece Men and Monster” set. Lights, Gamera, Action series does not includes Gamera -- need the Monster expansion pack.

Who needs a guide? Apparently all roads lead to the cave. They just quickly walk there. Since there is only one, what could be easier?

Death scorpion in three two one...

That’s going to leave a mark.

And he’s dead, and we’ve discovered the villain of the movie!

Pilot is probably next... lucky he is needed to fly them out of there.

Give me the opal and I'll give you the gun.

Let’s look for more treasure. Um you are doing it wrong.

Grenades with fuses?

Pilot lives! He survived the cave falling in on him. That is quite lucky, but where is the opal?

Pretty girl wants to know about the treasure. What did they find in the cave? What was so valuable to kill over?

Hey! How did opal thief get away without the helicopter? Isn’t that why they needed a pilot in the first place?

Science cannot explain the opal?

Send the pretty lady!

So if the egg leaves the cave it will hatch? Even after 20 years? Baragon’s life cycle is so confusing.

Egg hatched in a terrible sequence.

Wait. The sea crew doesn't miss the dead guys? They are making a fuss over the remains the bad guy brought back -- but don’t notice he left two friends behind. Yeah, I can see that.

Boat explodes -- then they call to abandon ship? Wasn’t anyone paying attention? Good thing they were in harbor at the time.

You asked about his real name, but they were using fake ones. Don’t you remember your own plan? Again, why did you make it so complicated?

Opal is with the ship.

Rough bathtub -- er -- sea.

Models they are going down!

Rampage!

This must be Baragon.

Another awful Gamera related roar. The Godzilla family of roars are much better.

Baragon and his fist-tongue of destruction.

Not getting the sketch. TGI Tokyo? Not your best work folks.

Everything requires money. What is the point of the pilot giving you all that money at the beginning?

Admits to murder then gets beat up by the cripple.

Horrible fight, but bad guy wins. I’m sure they’ll be okay.

Evacuate the city but baddies have to stay. They need to get the opal, so that makes sense. Dollars over death I always say.

Rampage with tanks. Who would have guessed they would be ineffective?

The fist tongue shoots ice too!

Airplanes attack. As effective as tanks.

Missiles will work for sure! (With same missile joke that was in Gamera...)

Baragons rainbow spikes of heat-giving death -- or something. It is official! Baragon is lame.

Gamera is attracted to the rainbow. What does that mean? Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Pretty lady has a link to Baragon Is she the Kenny? She just knows stuff about the giant monster. So everyone listen to her.

Mr. Bad guy, I am more alive than you thought!

The opal is an egg I don't believe it.

Better fight but not by much.

I'll put my money on the pilot.

I'm sure that post will hold him.

Is she a vampire or something?

Baragon’s weakness is water? Wasn't he in the water when he sank the boat? Baragon doesn’t get any less lame.

Opals and diamonds! New Guinea is a treasure trove of giant jewels!

Greed will kill us all.

Operation diamond!

Diamonds are a kaiju’s best friend!

Operation Diamond is a failure. I would have never guessed.

Dis the pretty lady.

How about waking up Gamera? Could Gamera help? Isn’t this movie Gamera vs. Baragon?

Science helps those who know too much.

Baragon is a freak, so he doesn't like diamonds. Radioactive diamonds on the other hand...

May I reiterate that Baragon is a lame monster. He can't get wet.

Ruby light emitter will be much more effective with a diamond.

The diamond light works better than just dangling it why?

Car won't start. That is a shock. Someone delay Baragon in some dramatic fashion until we can start the car!

To the lake!

It looked like a Beetle with suicide doors.

Stars in Gamera movie like Willem Defoe...

The heavy is here for the diamond. Tying him to the post didn’t work. This won’t end well.

And he’s dead.

Baragon refuses to get wet. What are they going to do?

Pilot and pretty lady are going to make out -- but wait.

Rainbow death ray can be reflected with mirrors.

A big mirror is our ultimate weapon.

Is Gamera even in this movie?

The mirror worked! Oh, wait.

The rainbow is done, but what now.

Cue Gamera.

Of course they'll fight. Baragon used his ice shooting fist tongue of death on Gamera. He’s got a score to settle.

Of course, Gamera knows Baragon's weakness instintively.

And Baragon is dead, but what about Gamera who destroyed that dam at the beginning.

And now the moral of the story...

Romance is complete...

Ocean credits again...

Rare ending sketch. Books about Kaijus -- including books on tape.

Letters.

Push the button Frank!

Live Blogging Gamera!

As I stated in a previous blog post this week, I got the MST3K Gamera pack in the mail.  So, naturally, I am going to live blog the watching of it.  So, put in your copy and follow along!

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MST3K Gamera

Opening theme -- la la la.

Exercising and warm-up activities with diction help from Tom Servo.

Joel's all you can eat take-out salad. (That's one weird salad.)

Frank introduces his pet vacuum. Bye bye Tweety!

Movie sign!!!

Boring water credits.

Camera -- er -- Gamera

Joel and the bots are making fun of Japanese names.

Toy planes.

Bad dubs...

Toy boat.

Telegraph humor.

Bad dubs -- oh wait these people are speaking English.

Dog fight. USA USA.

Nukes on that shot down plane. Whose was it? Hey this is important. Which country was flying nukes? We have a right to know!

Naturally, the plane crash (with the nukes) awakens Gamera.

The American actors in this movie are horrible.

Legendary stone. Brings evil. Of course!

Great Eskimo face. Not quite Rex Dart, but lots of character.

Gamera's snow fort.

Where are they going to go when they abandon ship? Wouldn't being on life boats be just as bad?

New York played by a matte painting.

Why is the doctors daughter there at the press conference? Is she going to add anything?

Gamera is dead already! Movie's over! Hey wait a minute...

Hey, it's that guy!

Gamera fly-by!

Overly dramatic.

The photographer survived because of whiskey -- or love.

Kenny!

Kenny is obsessed with turtles. This can't end well.

Motherless Kenny stealing food for turtle -- Tibby!

Free Gamera!

Release the turtles!

Kenny frees Tibby, the box turtle. Or, does he?

Tibby song. Well done Servo.

Crow dissed servo with salmonella joke. Reptiles always getting dissed because of salmonella. Hey! There is salmon right in the name! Why not blame the fish?

Gamera and Kenny together at last.

A friendship made in a radioactive heaven. Too bad a lighthouse had to bite it -- oh and all of those dead people.

Gamera is good! Again, tell that to the families of the victims of Gamera's rampage.

So that's a phone.

Unreliable sources spread rumors about Gamerea.

Tibby or not Tibby -- That is Crow's question.

Kenny's turtle is gone? Didn't think so.

Wild turtle chase! Too bad turtles are known for being so speedy.

Gamera rampage at last!

Doctor vouching for stalker. It's a lovely moment.

We should try science!

Nah we'll use tanks

Maximum power renews Gamera so start the tanks. I know it'll work this time. It isn't like turtle shells are tough or anything.

Rampage!

Gamera roar -- not as good as Godzilla's

How do you solve a problem like Gamera

That guy in the wig and fake beard is a scientist I can tell.

Fire missiles -- extra missiles.

Listen to the kid -- Kenny knows. After all, he is obsessed with turtles.

Oh! Gamera feeds on fire. Did you guys note that?

Wait wasn't Gamera found in the ice and snow. Now he likes the heat?

Not Devils Mountain!

I wonder how long we have with this freezer bomb? They never say how long we have like is it 10 minutes? 10 minutes? Is it 10 minutes? I am guessing it is 10 minutes. It gives us 10 minutes right? 10 minutes?

Everybody hates Kenny -- truer words have never been spoken.

Throw the book at the delinquent!

Freezebomb away! How much time do we have?

What are they drilling?

Oh! they are placing dynamite. Did anyone mention that Gamera eats fire? How is this dynamite thing suppose to work?

Yeah that'll work. I have all the confidence in the world in Mr. Scientist and his scientist friends.

A turtle will die because its on its back! That is a scientific fact. Plus it'll only take a few minutes.

Jets for legs!

Gamera can fly upside down!

They should have consult the stone before they tried that dynamite thing!

That guy again!

Kenny has a new hobby building Gamera a house.

Kenny in Tokoyo. Why? Right because Gamera is going to attack there.

See Tokyo tower -- it'll be destroyed soon.

Tibby and Gamera are cousins. I am taking Kenny's word on that.

Who would throw rocks into a river. Nevertheless, why was Kenny collecting rocks? How are these rocks important? Good thing they are not a part of the plot or I would be lost.

At some point this movie will begin to make sense -- I can dream can't I?

Why do these people trust this doctor? He has shown no expertise in anything. He hasn't been right about anything yet.

Not Plan-Z!

Models mean more rampaging!

Rock and roll Japan style.

Gamera is hip with these cool cats. They don't have to split dad!

Hey! I thought Gamera liked kids. These teens probably picked on Kenny so they deserved to die!

Yeah Rampage! There is Tokyo tower going down!

Supercar wasn't so Super...

Gamera is doing bad things. Does Kenny know about this?

Kenny tells Gamera to behave, and he does?

Japan, The U.S., and Russia cooperating during the cold war. Yeah, that's likely.

This zoologist hasn't been right before, why do they trust him now.

What do you know he was right!

Kenny eat fire!

Darn he survived.

I am sure Z-Plan will work. Is it Plan-Z or Z-Plan?

How will Kenny get to where Gamera is being lured? Stow away -- doesn't anyone watch this kid?

Gamera in space. Mike Nelson as Gamera talking to the Satellite of Love.

And here is Kenny.

I think Kenny doesn't mind going with the pretty lady.

Good news we've found Kenny. Bad news is that he is in the kill zone.

Z-Plan involves burning the ocean. How is this water burning exactly?

I think Mr Science could be right. Damn typhoon.

The wind put out the ocean fire.

Photographer guy stows away too. Anyone can stow away in Japan.

Mr Expert didn't know Gamera ate fire. Some expert.

Still not clear what the plan was.

Wait what happened?

Its a lovely matte painting. Why are they showing it?

It's a trap!

So, why was Kenny excited about Z Plan?

Did they just launch a turtle to Mars?

What is Gamera going to eat and breath and...?

These end credits are like the opening ones. Nothing but ocean.

Cast recap including that guy (Who is Bokuzen Hidari who appeared in The Seven Samarai and other 2 other Kurosawaa films.)

Letters!

Push the button Frank!

Bad Movies

For as long as I can remember, I have loved bad monster movies. Don't get me wrong, I love good monster movies too. My favorite bad monster movie is Godzilla vs. Megalon. I love every bit of it. I also love Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. There is so much cheese in those two movies, it makes me smile.

However, I also love the good Godzilla movies as well. I really enjoy all of the responses to the terrible thing that Sony called Godzilla. Godzilla 2000 and the rest are really good. They have very little cheese -- but they do have some. For the most part, I really love monster movies -- specifically giant monster movies.

The reason I am talking about this is to bring up Mystery Science Theater 3000. The first ever MST3K I ever saw was Gamera. So, you can tell I was hooked.

I thought it was a shame that the first episode I had ever seen was not available on DVD. They have been releasing episodes for several years, but there was no word of Gamera. Further, they released Godzilla vs Megalon as done by MST3K and almost immediately recalled it. So, I had almost given up hope. However...

That is right! The complete Gamera collection in one MST3K box. I got this today, and I can tell you that I am quite happy! Now please excuse me. I think Kenny is calling me!

Godzilla vs. Megalon on MST3k.

In my youth, Godzilla vs. Megalon was my favorite. I remember watching it often because in those days they played old movies instead of infomercials. It seemed like it was on a lot.

There is a bunch to like about it too. Naturally there is the cool robot Jet Jaguar. In addition, it has a sort of tag-team wrestling thing going on. It is framed just like a WWE wrestling match with your good guys vs. bad guys. It flows back and forth between them.

Also, it has its share of silly science. The whole sand from deep in the ocean. The Easter Island heads. I realize now their time frame is way off, but I didn't notice that when I was a kid.

What more could you want than a kid who drives a minibike? He is a bit annoying, but he was a kid who hung around his science nerd brother. Who didn't want to do that.

It is all around campy fun. At the time, I couldn't imagine it getting any better. Then along came the MST3k version and brought us this:



Oh how I love Rex Dart: Eskimo Spy! While it is Jet Jaguar Week, Rex Dart: Eskimo Spy could probably carry a week as well.